the creature superimposes itself upon you by a thousand mouths; the hydra incorporates itself with the man; the man amalgamates himself with the hydra. you form but one. this dream is upon you. the tiger can only devour you; the octopus, oh horror! breathes you in. it draws you to it, and into it; and bound, ensnared, powerless, you feel yourself slowly emptied into that frightful pond, which is the monster itself. beyond the terrible, being devoured alive, is the inexpressible, being drunk alive …

A STUDY IN:   eldritch horrors as an allegory for inherited burden   &   repressed emotions,   the slow devouring of the self,   growing up middle-child in a first-generation household,   and the painful work of figuring out who you are beyond that.crafted by mell,   with touchstones from Les Travailleurs de la mer (1866).   TWENTY5.   asian,   eng/jpn.  

carrd: template by elv1raes.   art: the kraken by cobaltplasma.   psd: paralyzer by wieglers.

// THE PORTAL.         it first stirred when edwin was twelve. his body harbors a wound the world was never meant to contain—a living, breathing rift to something alien. the portal is not a tool or a weapon; it is a presence, immense and indifferent, coiled invisibly through his ribcage and chest. it presses outward constantly, insistent and terrifying, hinting at the shape of the creature beyond: sinewy shadows beneath his ribs, tremors along his bones, dreams haunted by 45 feet long tendrils that tear through him from within.the portal reacts to edwin's emotions and physical state. stress, fear, or exertion can make it flare, leaving him weak, feverish, or disoriented. deliberately opening it is possible, but costly: internal bruising, nausea, chronic fatigue, subtle erosion of time and body.through it, glimpses of the other side appear—not fully formed creatures, but impossible landscapes, shifting geometries, and awareness that seems to study him as much as he studies it. it is neither malevolent nor kind; it is beyond comprehension, a living, coiled pressure inside him that defines and confines every aspect of his life.

// HIS HEALTH.         even at rest, the damage is not theoretical. the strain has already settled into him as a quiet, chronic condition. fatigue dogs him constantly—bone-deep and unrelieved by sleep. his sternum and ribs remain tender, often mottled with deep internal bruising that blooms without visible cause, as though something presses outward from beneath the bone. he runs cold more often than not, yet flare-ups bring sudden spikes of fever; his skin turns clammy when stressed.neurologically, the pressure manifests in subtler ways. he experiences brief dissociative episodes. under heightened stress, he hears things—low, distant sounds that don't belong to this world. his sleep offers no refuge; dreams are crowded with vast, shifting forms and the suggestion of tendrils moving just beyond sight.medical testing yields only unease. his labs frequently show unexplained inflammatory markers. MRIs reveal faint “artifacting” around the chest cavity, distortions radiologists cannot quite account for. doctors attribute the symptoms to stress, anxiety, and overwork.

// brookline,   ma.       edwin grew up in a first-generation korean household where expectations were seldom spoken but always understood. his parents worked long hours; he, the middle of three, learned early to fill the gaps: translator, homework helper, babysitter, emotional anchor for parents, overburdened eldest, overlooked youngest. he got good at keeping things together. maybe too good.bright and precise, with a mind tuned to systems and logic, edwin turned to computers. technology made sense. people did not. by his twenties, he had a computer science degree, a steady IT job, and a life built for stability and minimal surprises—emotional ones included. he lived quietly, responsibly, and a little too much in his own head.after a series of slow-moving emotional reckonings being too close to family, he left in massachusetts hopes of finding himself somewhere he wasn't carrying everything or everyone. now, he navigates a hospital's outdated tech as its newly minted IT specialist, trying to keep systems—and himself—running.